“In fact, if you know the right thing to do and don't do it, that, for you, is evil”. James 4:17
(The Message)
In my "first try" English writing in the blog titled “What is your excuse?” I told you about my degree “Master in Excusology” but I did not mention the universities that daily grant millions of the same with the sole purpose to impede us from obtaining the True Diploma; those universities are:
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UF:
University of the Flesh
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UH: University of Hell
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UW: University of World
The True Diploma is conferred by the UK:
University of the Kingdom which grants the degree “Master on Surrender”, among
which courses you may find “Brokenness 101”, “Brokenness 102”, “Brokenness
103”, and many others.
As day pass the Lord has made understand that
going to “She Speaks” has been my UN-graduation (returning my certificate) of my “Master on Excusology” as
the Sovereign Master and Rector designed a curriculum during the previous
months in order to bring me to a “No Excuses” scenario.
The first course in which He registered me was
the “She Speaks” Facebook group; as I read some of the prayers requests or
circumstances that the sisters were going through such as chemotherapy,
relatives decease, illnesses of children,
funds raising; and then He started to work in my fears (such as flying)
and my insecurities (“you don’t have what is required”, “you are coming from a
Caribbean Island that not many know where it is placed”, “you don’t speak the language”).
Even though I have made my reservation, I did
not “dare” to pay until the last minute…just in case; I contacted several times
a travel agency of a sister but I did not follow up the emails; also I was
waiting since February for “some payment” to arrive; thus, I never decided to
confirm the purchase of the air ticket.
As I read the prayer requests in “She Speaks”
FB group I thought about my excuses (as if listening to Apostle Paul telling me
“you don’t have an excuse!!”); those words hammered my mind even more when my
air ticket was fully provided through someone who listened to me talking about
that “some payment” has not arrived.
Then…when I was feeling without “excuses”…
valid excuses DID arrive but at that moment He gave me courage to continue regardless
that I was against time to prepare the proposal…in English language not my own…
news started to arrive on family conflicts rendering me unfocused; from one
side, eventual judicial actions from the other side, disease diagnosis; and, of
course, my insecurities mounted up again and again “you do not deserve to be
there”, “you are going to be ashamed”.
In the middle of the storm, I just wanted to
quit…I was confused thinking “The Lord does not want me to go to She Speaks”…; nevertheless,
beyond me, He continued to push me to prepare the proposal; focusing in the
verse “sufficient for the day is its own trouble”; it was like experiencing -in
a positive manner- what the apostle Paul said in Romans 6 “what I do not want
to do, that I do”.
A little whisper (deep in my heart) reminded me
that certainly I did not deserve to be there, I did not have what it takes,…but
if I was going to be at the conference was solely and exclusively because of
His Grace as the Spanish Christian song “God of Covenants” says: “…because of
Your Grace I am here…”; for the Glory of God that sweet little voice triumphed
over the noisy megaphone calling me to quit.
Tired, drained, with very few hours of sleep in the last days…I
arrived to She Speaks…after two flights and more than 12 hours of having left
home. Deep in my heart there was an assured expectation that I was going to
have a fresh encounter with the Lover of my soul to hand over my certificate on
“Master on Excusology” and just tell Him “Here I am, may Your Will be done”.
Maybe you ask yourself how are my insecurities
related to pride since I mentioned that most of the courses in “Master on
Surrender” correspond to “brokenness”…well I learned from “my cousin” Beth
Moore in “Living Free” that the opposite to pride is humbleness not self-low
esteem or insecurities because the source of the latter may be precisely having
a proud heart.
Which is the surrendering step that He may be
calling you to take? At home? With your husband? Your children? Give up on all excuses so that
He may give you understanding that each of them are a new opportunity to seeing
Him work in ways that you have never thought.
Let’s celebrate together our UN-graduation day
from “Master on Excusology”!! Bring that certificate upon His Feet!